IELTS Training

I am now offering an intense course tailored to train students in the study for the IELTS.

We will address the four core skills, exercise your speaking and reading skills specifically, discuss the best/most productive methods for taking the test and much more.

Please contact me at absoluteenglish@gmail.com for further details on prices and availability.

Note; these class begin at the start of March 2014.

New Conversation classes available

Absolute English is now offering a group conversation class for people looking to expand on their pronunciation and vocabulary skills. The class offers tips and knowledge of Great Britain, it's culture and oddities as well.

The class is entirely in English. Think of it as a challenge and one that you can master if you try hard enough.

Please contact if you wish to take advantage of this offer.

Britain and back again

A couple of weeks ago I and my wife returned to Britain, only for a short ten days, but enough time to show her off.

Clarissa and I had, despite years of relationships (romantic and friendship alike), never travelled to or from Britain together. Our memories of London Heathrow were continually of hellos and goodbyes...this time would be different.

Following an arduous 24 hours of travel, which included cars, planes and buses, we finally arrived in Sheffield and promptly went to the pub.

The following day and days after revolved around paperwork (relating to the sale of my family home), packing and binning possessions and meeting up with old friends.

(left to right, Me, Callum and Chris)

We discovered a Churrascaria (Brazilian Barbecue House) had opened in the centre of Sheffield (one of the more random discoveries I had expected), although we didn't feel the need to enter (something to do with the fact it was 9am and Clarissa is a Veggie.

 
Further adventures included Clarissa spending the day at the Western Park Hospital (as a visiting Doctor) enjoying a tour of the facilities, hob-nobbing with the brass and generally furthering her career...while I shopped for second hand book and dealt with paperwork.

We were so lucky that we got to visit with my cousins- Katy and Susan (Steve, Charlie and David) and my aunt- Daphne. A fantastic lunch and given that I was clearing out the house, I felt the need to donate my "new" Star Wars collection to the boys. To which, Clarissa and I are, in their own words- "Epic"!

On the evening of the Brazil vs England football friendly, we found ourselves in a local pub (which I hold fast never saw a foreigner before) with Callum, Angela and Chris. Clarissa had re-discovered my Brazil shirt which she originally gave me the better part of 12 years ago and felt the need to represent the southerners, while I donned a 1966, red shirt.

Brazil took the lead, to which, a normally indifferent Brazilian football fan rose from her seat and began taunting the English populous of the pub. You had to laugh, especially when we took the lead and I felt the need to chant back at her. A deserved draw kept tensions at a palatable level and we left the pub in a jovial and somewhat tipsy state of being.

We left for London on the Monday morning and after some awkward luggage stacking on the train and subsequently equally awkward luggage lugging, we made it to our "hotel" in Paddington. I say "hotel" as we both feel the description on the internet was somewhat misleading and as such, they probably forgot to add an 's'.

During our stay, we battled teenage Germans and their incessant need to be rowdy throughout the night (how dare teenagers have fun on holiday!), argumentative staff (downright rude and ignorant actually) and saw a rather miffed american demand a full refund and storm from the premises.

WARNING: do not stay at the Shakespeare Hotel in Paddington, unless you are fully aware that the staff are either untrained or rude, the breakfast is pitiful and you are more than likely to be kept awake after your very long journeying by children. Apart from all that, it's fine. Just treat it as a hostel and demand a hostel price.

Our tour of London saw Clarissa and I visit the exterior of her former flat (13 years ago), as such, she had some trouble remembering the actual building and we guessed which it might be. We saw Big Ben, rode the London Eye, wandered Kew Gardens (a desire of Clarissas' for a long time and a favourite of my Mums') and ate in a multitude of pubs (veggie burgers for Clarissa) and I overdosed on Britsh ale/lager alike- as such, we have been de-toxing since our return.

We also visited the Sheffield City Farm (where I visited the friendly Llama), Clarissa spent many a happy hour petting numerous British hounds and we took lots of pretty photos.

All told, this was a great visit. I'm happy to be home though. Porto Alegre is my home now and I missed it.

Hail Brasil

Yesterday I found myself sheltering inside the bank, as I and a group of around 40 people waited and watched as hail stones fell from the sky and battered the streets. 

Having been here a year and borne witness to various weather effects, this was the first time since leaving England that I had felt the chilliness of "snow"- save for a touch of it in the mountains of Gramado. 

After the pelting had abated, I wandered through the park and along past the shops, revelling in the shivering cold that my light hooded jumper failed to keep from me. It was so reminiscent of being back in the UK. 

As a result, Pricila and Joca are now wearing their winter coats- Pricila in pink, with a skirt attached and Joca in a fluffy blue number.

A far cry from the week prior, when Clarissa and I had sat in the central park, read books, bathed in the sunshine and generally enjoyed the summer. 

We chose to sit near a group of teens/early twenties, playing guitar and singing various Beatles melodies. They were pretty good, although an 8 year old on her bike didn't agree and kept her fingers inserted squarely in her ears throughout the entire performance and as if that weren't enough, screwed her face up to emphasise the feeling.

A little later we strolled around the park and came across a small poodle, wearing a day-glow poker visor and a set of trainers, one for each paw. Sometimes I think the Alegrense like their dogs a little too much.

This week I'm dividing my time between giving feedback to students (very respectable teacher) and overseeing workmen in the apartment (as ever), this time they're sanding the wooden floors that were scratched and scarred to death by previous workmen. It's a vicious cycle.

Happy Easter and April Fools...

Well, it's a little over a month since I got married and much is still the same.

There wasn't this overwhelming rush of responsibility, this terrible fear of having to instantly become someone else. I'm pretty thankful for this, because, as I sit here, typing away, I realize that while I have a job, I'm writing a book, I'm married and living a foreign life, I am, in fact, still, a teenager at heart.

I find the silliest things amusing and while that does, from time to time, infuriate Mrs Wing (Troller-Habekost), she loves that side of me and when I think on it, I think, that's the side of me she appreciates and loves the most.

We had an Easter egg hunt at the In-Laws on sunday...I lost. I found my eggs last and in the noonday heat feared for their structural integrity...my fears were, happily, unfounded.

The Friday prior, I made lunch for the entire family. We don't have a kitchen, as such and as a result, had to fashion a table out of paint cans and a piece of large glass. No problem, seemed to work just fine.

I prepared and successfully cooked fish (St Peter's fish-as it's called here), with butter, cracked black pepper, lemon and served with tarragon and toasted breadcrumbs. For the veggie (the Mrs- and as it turned out, everyone else too) I made a three cheese, rocket, tomato and egg torte- served with basil.

Click here (http://realfood.tesco.com/recipes/roasted-cherry-tomato-tart-with-basil-and-goats-cheese.html) for the recipe. Surprisingly, it looked just like this. Result!

The new book is on it's way. I have a potential illustrator taking a look and currently she has sent a few sketches. All's progressing well. It's a step away from the Llama book and follows the adventures of a boy, inextricably, thrust into space and endeavouring to explore and eventually, find his way home.

I'm optimistic of finishing a first draft in the next month or so.

We're off to Sao Paulo for Clarissa's friends wedding on Saturday. I've been to Sao Paulo before, but as it was just the airport on a connection to Porto Alegre, I'm going to count this as a new city. I can't wait!

Well, that's it for the moment. I just finished painting the small bathroom a lovely shade of cherry red (bit paler than the torte above) and am a little sweaty. Off for a shower.

Here are a few images over the last few weeks you might find amusing.

Cao for now.

 Morning yawns.

 Blurry dog in a suitcase- thinks she's coming to Sao Paulo too.

 

Married

OK, here goes.

Thursday: I was a little nervous. Strike that, I was pacing the apartment and totally unable to settle. Clarissa was working in her clinic until lunch time and I had nothing to do until 5pm- Zero Hour.

So, I expect Clarissa back for lunch, but she's late, 12pm goes by, 1pm goes by and at 1:30 I start calling around for her. Her phone is dead, her parents haven't heard from her and I can't remember which clinic she's at (as her schedule changes often) so Nirlei (Clarissa's Mum) calls both. Now, I'm worried, Nirlei is worried, Cezar (Dad) is worried and the clinics are both worried.

At 2pm, Clarissa arrives back at the apartment, having been shopping for a wedding dress and failed to inform anyone.

I was both relieved and annoyed, I think in equal measure.

Anyway, so, we get dressed, I'm in a new white shirt, black waistcoat, black/dark purple tie, black trousers and black shoes (very smart-will send photos when we get them) and Clarissa is radiant in her White Dress (which she already had- she couldn't find a new dress) and off we go to the Cartorio (Registry Office).

Cezar and Nirlei are there waiting, the translator is there (as meu Portuguese esta pochino), there are two other couples in line too and we're waiting on Luciana and Mauricio (Sister and brother-in-law to be) to arrive. They end up being 10 minutes late.

So, in we go.

The judge lady stands behind her desk, the translator to the side and Clarissa and I are surrounded by family and on with the show.

Do you? Yep!

Do you? Yep.

Good stuff, ya married!

They asked me in Portuguese, our translator was a little slow and given that I was a bit nervous and very eager, I answered, "I do". I couldn't even comprehend the Portuguese and was far too excited to wait.

Kiss.

Long kiss.

Then a few more words, sign the papers, take a few photos (there was professional photographer there) one in front of the Brazilian flag for fun and off we went to the pub, nibbles, beer, lots of beer, shaking David photos and now I am a married man.

Done.

Lead up to the BIG Day

Well, here we are.

I say we, I mean me, which is still "We", but I don't mean you. Understand? I'm rambling.

Oh, well, here "We" go.

It's now 13 years plus some weeks, days and hours and here I am, gearing up to the Biggest day of my life.

We managed a shower in our new bathroom last night (first HOT shower in the apartment in 6 months)- amazing! It's tiled and the water runs and doesn't flood or leak (we hope/think) and the lights work without a short circuit, so, all in all, last night was a pre-wedding day miracle.

I spent a couple of hours last night, out on the town (in the local bar) with my brother-in-law to be, Mauricio, discussing the kind of things you discuss the night before you dedicate yourself to someone forever and drinking a beer or two (Mauricio had Iced Tea, he's hard-core!).

This morning I awoke feeling calm, no jitters, no shakes- which is good, because I've had a viral infection for the last week and have been nervous as to my health prior to the Day, but it seems I'm not only healthy in body, but well adjusted in mind also.

I'm not worried, but I am excited. I'm sitting here, having busied myself with dish-washing, garbage tidying and grocery shopping and now I'm writing this, in an effort to distract from the fact that at 5:15pm today, I'll have a ring on my finger and a new family to legally call my own.

I'm not a religious man, I believe in something, though I'm totally unsure what and I'm not superstitious, though I firmly believe that my parents will be looking on and even if they weren't, I'm comforted by the knowledge that while I may not have had the chance to tell them about re-uniting with Clarissa, they had the foreknowledge and instinct to know that this day was always going to come.

6 hours 37 minutes to go...